I'm a blur.

I started my sophomore year off at a new school, Wayne County High. It's been almost an entire semester, and I'm amazed at how time flies by. I remember the very first day like it was yesterday..

I walked through those doors with that horrible, anxious feeling in my stomach, with my boyfriend by my side. Even though I had him there, he's a junior, so I knew I was going to have to be a little more independent and responsible this year. As I walked down the hall, I looked around nervously at all the teenagers who had been through this before. When the bell rang, I had no idea what I was to do. I cried, on my very first day of a new school, and I was a loner in most of my classes. I'm shy, and won't talk to anyone unless they start up a conversation with me. Before long, I had already learned who was safe to talk to, and who I should avoid. As the year went on, I became more open. I talk to more people. I'm still shy, and sort of a loner in some classes. But that doesn't bother me much. I've had some pretty strange things happen at this school though. Take today, for example. My boyfriend, Matt, and I were having a normal lunch together. Pizza, french fries, milk. Yumm. A couple of girls sitting behind me catch my attention, so I turn around to see them screaming at each other. Since I didn't think much of it, I turned back around to only be surprised by a small food fight between the girls. Hot baked beans were slung all over me and my two friends. Of course, I got most of it, lucky me, since I was sitting right next to them. So here I am, standing in front of the whole lunch room, with a whole serving of baked beans in my hair. What a horrible day. My boyfriend walked me to the office so I could call my mom and have her pick me up. At least six people, whom I did not know, asked me if I was okay. I thought it was polite, the school even let Jacob sit out of class to wait on my mother with me. When I was called to the principal's office, he said, and I quote, "...and I assure you, I will not be throwing my food on Thanksgiving." Oh, the joy of a teenage life.

Grow Up

I want a new start, a new beginning. I want to go somewhere with a meaning. Somewhere where people treat you like a human being. And like you mean something to them and this hopeless planet we call home. I want to move. Far.. far away. To a place where not a soul can find me. A place where I can stare at the big blue ocean all day, and not have to obsess over the less important things. It seems as if some people can't go a day without judging someone, or pointing fingers and laughing. Why do kids, no, why do people do that? Say mean things? What's the point in it? I don't understand. Dont't they say.. "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." Learn to listen, then listen to learn. Grow up..

I want to love and be loved. Live life with all that I've got. Give as much as I have to give. I'm not living like I should. Hardly anyone is these days. Teenagers my age are going out every weekend drinking or doing drugs. What makes them any more cool than me when I sit home all weekend reading or talking to my boyfriend? Nothing. Because no one will get anywhere in life doing those things. Can't we change that? I want to do something different with my life. I want to create beautiful things, and inspire millions of people. I want to know I've inpired them to do something productive with their lives. I want to live my dreams.

Change Is Okay

Well, here goes a little bit of everything. I've read so many blogs about silly things like breakups, heartaches, hangouts, and so on.. I find it interesting to keep up with people and watch them change. Time does indeed change everything. No matter what I'm told, I'll always believe that. It's the end of my freshman year, and already I've been through so many difficult changes my head might explode if something else happens.

Throughout the summer of '09, and the beginning of my freshman year, I moved a numerous amount of times. I even lived with Shadera, shes only my best friend. My family got into a bit of a tough situation, and mom went away for awhile. Now, my mother and father are in the process of getting a divorce after being together for 15 years. But, things change, and thats okay. Mom and me currently live with my grandma. Although, we are looking for an apartment somewhere. One day, when she's done with what she needs to do here, we'll move away from this town. Off to my dream state, Maine. I'm a little more than excited. My mother is by far my best friend.

In the beginning of the freshman year, I had the most wonderful friends anyone could ever dream of. Now, half of them are gone, thanks to silly relationships that they think will last a lifetime. It's sickening looking at these middle and highschool kids who think they're in love. We're far too young to even talk about such things. I'll be glad when things go back to the way they're supposed to be. Unless, of course, this is how things are supposed to be. Then in that case, I want things to be how they aren't supposed to be. Because life seemed better before.

In more recent news, my summer vacation will start in 15 days. Although, if the weather doesn't change, it will start off cold and rainy. I want to see the sun shine. I will make this summer a happy one, even if things aren't the way they should be, or the way they shouldn't be.